A friend has experienced the death of someone loved. You want to help, but you are not sure how to go about it. This article will guide you in ways to turn your cares and concerns into positive actions.
Helping begins with your ability to be an active listener. Your physical presence and desire to listen without judging are critical helping tools. 不要太担心你要说什么. Just concentrate on listening to the words that are being shared with you.
Your friend may relate the same story about the death over and over again. 每次都要认真听. Realize this repetition is part of your friend's healing process. 只需要听和理解.
Give your friend permission to express his or her feelings without fear of criticism. Learn from your friend; don't instruct or set expectations about how he or she should respond. 永远不要说:“我知道你的感受。.“你没有. Think about your helper role as someone who "walks with," not "behind" or "in front of" the one who is mourning.
Allow your friend to experience all the hurt, sorrow and pain that he or she is feeling at the time. Enter into your friend's feelings, but never try to take them away. 和 recognize that tears are a natural and appropriate expression of the pain associated with the death.
Words, particularly cliches, can be extremely painful for a grieving friend. Cliches are trite comments often intended to diminish the loss by providing simple solutions to difficult realities. 评论等, “你坚持得很好,”“时间能治愈一切创伤," "Think of all you still have to be thankful for" or "Just be happy that he's out of his pain" are not constructive. Instead, they hurt and make a friend's journey through grief more difficult.
记住，你朋友的悲伤是独一无二的. No one will respond to the death of someone loved in exactly the same way. While it may be possible to talk about similar phases shared by grieving people, everyone is different and shaped by experiences in their own unique lives.
Because the grief experience is also unique, be patient. The process of grief takes a long time, so allow your friend to proceed at his or her own pace. 不要强迫你自己的治愈时间表. Don't criticize what you believe is inappropriate behavior. 和 while you should create opportunities for personal interaction, don't force the situation if your grieving friend resists.
准备食物, 洗衣服, cleaning the house or answering the telephone are just a few of the practical ways of showing you care. 和, 就像你的出现一样, this support is needed at the time of the death and in the weeks and months ahead.
你出席葬礼很重要. 作为一种仪式, the funeral provides an opportunity for you to express your love and concern at this time of need. 当你向逝去的生命致敬时, you have a chance to support grieving friends and family. 在葬礼上, 触摸你的手, a look in your eye or even a hug often communicates more than any words could ever say.
Don't just attend the funeral then disappear, however. Remain available in the weeks and months to come, as well. Remember that your grieving friend may need you more later on than at the time of the funeral. A brief visit or a telephone call in the days that follow are usually appreciated.
Sympathy cards express your concern, but there is no substitute for your personal written words. 你说呢??
Relate the special qualities that you valued in him or her. These words will often be a loving gift to your grieving friend, 这些文字将会被反复阅读和记住很多年. Use the name of the person who has died either in your personal note or when you talk to your friend. 听到这个名字会让人感到安慰, and it confirms that you have not forgotten this important person who was so much a part of your friend's life.
Your friend may have a difficult time during special occasions like holidays and anniversaries. These events emphasize the absence of the person who has died. Respect this pain as a natural extension of the grief process. 从中学习. 和, most importantly, never try to take away the hurt.
Your friend and the family of the person who died sometimes create special traditions surrounding these events. 你的角色? Perhaps you can help organize such a remembrance or attend one if you are invited.
Remember that the death of someone loved is a shattering experience. As a result of this death, your friend's life is under reconstruction. Consider the significance of the loss and be gentle and compassionate in all of your helping efforts.
“虽然上述指导方针将是有帮助的, it is important to recognize that helping a grieving friend will not be an easy task. You may have to give more concern, time and love that you ever knew you had. 但这种努力是值得的. By 'walking with' your friend in grief, you are giving one of life's most precious gifts - yourself."
Dr. 艾伦·D. Wolfelt is a noted author, educator and grief counselor. He serves as director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado and presents numerous workshops each year across North America. Among his many bestselling books are "Understanding Your Grief", "Healing a Friend's Grieving Heart" and "The Mourner's Book of Hope". 欲了解更多信息，请访问网站: centerforloss.com 或致电970-226-6050. 你可以去找Dr. Wolfelt直接 (电子邮件保护)